First you experience. Then you share.
These are the words of Francis Mallmann, and in them lies a great truth: experience— and hence satisfaction—are personal affairs. Even activities undertaken with others are experienced alone, and differently, so that at the end of the day, we are left with our own perceptions and our own memories. The meal two people share, even if their servings are identical, is experienced uniquely. Five hundred people, each solving the same crossword, have a different experience of completing it, even if they arrive at the same answers.
Satisfying experiences are no different. At the outset, I said that the essence of a satisfying experience can be found in your brain. Although some details remain to be worked out, novel experiences— because they release dopamine and cortisol—are the surest route to satisfaction. But even this prescription is not enough. Presciently, Francis's great bit of wisdom is in the commandment to share. Here is the place humans differ from every other animal; because we have language, experience need not remain locked inside us. What we can express, no matter how crudely, we can share. Imagine how lonely a chimpanzee must be, with a lifetime of experience locked up in an almost-human brain.
Every experience in our lives is part of a larger narrative; the act of telling a story not only transmits some small bit of one person experience to another person, linking individual narratives, it also solidifies that experience in the memory of the storyteller. You could say that sharing makes things real. And even if we each have our personal versions of satisfaction—like a good meal— satisfaction is an experience best shared collectively, and reciprocally, with others. Above all else, the most important thing I have learned—and would like to leave with you—is that satisfaction is an emotion within everyone's grasp.
There is a difference between pleasure/happiness and satisfaction. True, pleasure feels good, but its transience leaves in its wake a relative normality that, by comparison, often feels like a void—one screaming to be filled with more and more pleasure. The end result of this process is, of course, what Phil Brickman called the hedonic treadmill. A life without pleasure would be dismal indeed, but, more often than not, the pursuit of pleasure for its own sake leads to its opposite—misery—and does not satisfy the brain.
Seeking satisfaction is distinct from chasing pleasure. Satisfaction is an emotion that captures the uniquely human need to impart meaning to one's activities. When you are satisfied, you have found meaning, which I think we'd all agree is more enduring than pleasure or even happiness.
Satisfaction differs critically from both pleasure and happiness by its inclusion of the dimension of action. While you might find pleasure by happenstance—winning the lottery, possessing the genes for a sunny temperament, or having the luck not to live in poverty—satisfaction can arise only by the conscious decision to do something. And this makes all the difference in the world, because it is only your own actions for which you may take responsibility and credit.
The surest route to satisfaction is through novelty. When you do something you've never done before, the novelty releases dopamine, which gooses the action system of your brain. Although you might not always be aware of this process, you certainly know the feeling of satisfaction that ensues.
1. Pleasure / happiness is not necessarily the same as satisfaction.
2. Satisfaction requires conscious work or action, often involving challenge and pain.
3. The surest route to satisfaction is through novelty, trying new things and experiences.
4. Sharing these experiences will provide another round of satisfaction or immediate pleasure.
Deep in the brain, pleasure and pain are not so different from each other. All that matters is novelty.
For a thriller film, the pleasure of pain is derived from suspense, which has its origins in the brain’s craving for novelty. Postponing an outcome, which creates suspense, is just another way of injecting uncertainty into an experience, making the ending that much more satisfying (this applies to gambling, extreme sports, competitive sports, starting a business, etc).
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