Materialism is not the same as having money. As we've seen, once basic needs are met, there is no relationship between money and happiness. Materialism, on the other hand, does predict a lack of happiness and satisfaction. Materialism is a value system that emphasizes wealth, status, image, and material consumption. It is a measure of how much we value material things over other things in our lives, like friends, family, and work. It keeps us wedded to external measures of accomplishment for a sense of self—prestige, power; money for adults; grades, clothes, electronics for kids.
The tendency to accumulate objects and to seek prestige may have served our ancestors well. Groups of people with more "stuff," particularly livestock, tools, and weapons, were certainly more likely to survive than those who did not value or seek to accumulate those things. Having a prestigious leader with "the most stuff" helped the group in two ways: it provided organized leadership and presented a formidable opponent to enemies or those looking to steal the group's "stuff." But in this country most of us are long past needing to accumulate things for the sake of survival. That is, unless we broaden our notion of survival to include "I'll just die without those Manolos."
More and more young people feel that the pursuit of money takes precedence over personal, moral, and intellectual development. Materialism is both a cause and a symptom of impaired self-development. Materialism is not only about having shallow values; it is also about how easy it can be to choose the simple seduction of objects over the complex substance of relationships. Materialism sucks the life out of purpose and altruism as kids become increasingly self-centered and indifferent to the needs of others.
Most psychologists are in agreement as to the fundamental needs of people. First and foremost are basic biological needs for food, shelter, and clothing. In addition, humans are believed to have "higher-order" but still fundamental needs for authentic self-expression, intimate relationships, contributions to the community, and a sense of being able to master challenging tasks.
Money can, but does not necessarily, make a contribution to the fulfillment of "higher-order" needs. We have all known happy, fulfilled people with little in the way of money or material goods, and miserable, destructive people who have "everything money can buy." Clearly, money can help the development of "higher- order" needs by providing educational opportunities that lead to a sense of mastery, or travel opportunities that contribute to interests or relationships. We don't necessarily contribute to our children's emotional problems when we buy them cars or expensive clothes or high-end vacations; we contribute when they believe, either by observing our behavior or our values, that these are the things that matter most in life.
Materialism and competition go hand in hand. Consumer goods have magical, curative powers only when they are not possessed by too many others. Louis Vuitton bags lose their cachet when you can buy replicas for $35 on Third Avenue. Materialism needs an aura of exclusivity in order to lessen the insecurity that drives people to become materialistic in the first place. An outgrowth of materialism is the notion that there are "winners" and "losers," the "haves" and the "have-nots." Parents need to check in with themselves regularly and avoid endorsing values that pit children against each other or suggest that resources are so scarce that children must be in constant competition. In general, it is better for kids to see each other as potential sources of cooperation than as competitors.
The excessive focus on competition found in many affluent homes comes from diverse sources—anxiety, narcissism, and insecurity, as well as materialism. But the link between materialism and competition is particularly strong. In a fascinating study that looks at who chooses to cooperate with friends and who chooses to "get ahead," researchers find that college students who rate high on materialism are far more likely to choose "getting ahead" over cooperating with their friends .
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