If you stick with me for my intelligence, wealth, or beauty—as opposed to for me, myself—then our relationship is fragile. The psychologist Steven Pinker outlines the worry here:
How can you be so sure that a prospective partner won't leave the minute it is rational to do so—say, when a 10-out-of-10 moves in next door. One answer is, don't accept a partner who wanted you for rational reasons to begin with; look for a partner who is committed to staying with you because you are you.
This commitment might seem irrational, but it is an attractive irrationality, and if the person is interested in you as well, this can be very attractive. "Murmuring that your lover's looks, earning powers and IQ meet your minimal standards would probably kill the romantic mood," Pinker notes. "The way to a person's heart to declare the opposite—that you're in love because you can't help it."
No comments:
Post a Comment